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I was sitting on the bench.. at night.. all alone.. my head facing my feet.. i was thinking.. regretting.. suffering.. afflicting by the forces of pain.. There was no voice.. no sound.. no nothing.. just me on that bench.. and the great empty surrounding.. However, suddenly a cold freezing breeze brushed through my hair.. intersected my chest and shoved a lot of pain in the four chambers of my heart.. a chilly feeling covered my muscles.. and my filmed memories were coming back.. and sadness arrived.. it sat beside me.. holding my shoulders tight.. and leaning on me.. sadness spoke to me.. it told me how its life was miserable.. it told me that it was a loyal friend to anyone feeling down.. without me noticing myself.. i felt my lap was wet.. so, i realized i was giving in to sadness.. and tears were falling with no power to control them.. i felt so weak.. Sadness told me that it had no choice but to change its form and live within me.. within my soul.. so it started to diffuse into me.. being a one.. and mingling sadness grew inside of me.. i felt defenceless.. but that was my choice.. i’m tired of being strong all the time.. i need to give up once in a while.. and be a loyal friend to sadness , just like how it was a loyal mate to me..
Next day i woke up.. i found myself laying still on the bench.. i didn’t feel weird.. i felt indifferent.. i started being apathetic.. thanks to sadness.. so i tried to stand up and walk to my room inside the house.. but my body felt numb.. i had no control over myself.. i was immobile.. my body betrayed me.. except my tears.. they were my only hideout from this real world... my hands felt so cold.. my blood was about to vanish and my veins were about to dry away.. is this what they call death... a dry life.. i don’t think so.. because i was wholeheartedly soaked with tears.. unless i’m out of tears, then for sure my life will come to an end.. i was trying to breath.. but when i was forcing my nose to take in some air, it inhaled double the amount of air i wanted to breath.. as if it was begging me to stay alive.. for reasons i can’t understand.. and might never too.. it sounded like a paradox to me.. well .. what’s new? .. i’m all made up of paradoxes.. i abhor my nature.. it feels so bitter... so frozen.. so aloof.. so detached.. so wintry..

,

.. I feel much more better and wiser 









But the test generally wasn't hard and wasn't easy, .. it was.. just.. okai.. lol [n_n]










< click


What if God never created me.. would my mother have worried like this? would my father ever smile from jokes like that? would my siblings live peacefuly without any fights and disagreements? would my close friend ever smile that widely? would there be someone replacing me to do all the fun and sadness? would there be someone with pink as their favorite color who hates to hurt others and keep the pain for herself? would my friends have anyone to discuss their secrets with? would that day happen when all the classroom cried? would there be a person to make someone laugh? would there be someone to tease my teachers again? would these people have all this fun every week? would my friends survive from problems? would people have wanted or wished for someone like me to have been alive? I wonder..


This 3eed was exciting, useful, and educational.. It was exciting by going to malls, and also playing with my siblings and cozins..
It was useful and educational, where I learned more about my great great great grandparents.. And I listened to many old stories which filled many holes with answers in my head.. I learned how some people are really sweet, rude, naive, crazy, fun, sensitive, scary, joyful, hurt, and more..
Just three days have changed lotsa things in me.. I feel more brightened to this wierd world.. I learned that giving love isn't as hard as people say.. And that myself.. The deep drowned self will never change.. So, why would I work myself out to change it? Another thing that I learned was about beauty.. And that is however much you wanna hear people telling you you're beautiful is just not enough.. And enough is never enough.. You should believe in your own beauty, from the outside, and not to forget the inside..
People can express love in words.. But in my case, not even a word can express it.. "Love is beyond words".. Whether its between a mother and a daughter, between relatives, or even friends.. This 3eed was simply unique, lovely, and fun..

Today is the first day of ramadan..
3sa Allah y3eedeh 3alaina w 3alaikom bil yimn wil barakaat.. 
Here r some recent shots, dedicated to muslims all around this world 



Hope u a luvly month filled with good deeds that would please Allah..
Plz da3awatkom lee bilnjaa7.. 


Yeah today is the first day skool.. i liked it.. but not that much.. since i majored scientifictly in skool.. and most of my friends majored nonscientificly at skool, we're seperated.. and we're kept in different classes.. neways, thats destiny.. no one can change it.. we should just accept it.. but afterall.. i have some of my friends with me at class coz they majored scientificly too
.. God bless us
..
However.. life seems pretty harder.. day by day i face more challenges.. its really tiring.. i'm really distracted.. 


Here are some shots I've taken.. but never thought of sharing them till today..




like it? Comments r appreciated 

U're like a dove.. that lands on earth.. searching for food.. looking for a reason.. of why r u alive?
thats how ppl that do not know the truth bout why they're living..
Actually.. we're alive to be slaves for our god "Allah" who created us.. and is examining us on this earth..
Until death comes.. and the day of judgment arrives.. everyone is asked bout w00t good and bad things they did in their life in the universe.. if u were a good person.. u enter heaven.. if u were a bad person not believing in Allah and never praised Allah.. u enter hell.. But, if u were some1 who believes that god is one "Allah" but did bad things while u were alive, then u burn in hell and then enter heaven..
once again i say..those ppl on earth not knowing why r they created r like doves landing on earth, just eating and sleeping.. eating and sleeping.. with no goal in life..


لازلت أذكرها في آخر عيد مضى.. ذهبت و أهلي إلى بيتها.. عندما وصلنا, لم نجد أحداً في المنزل.. انتظرنا قليلاً.. فرأيناها تمشي بكل صعوبة لكي تصل إلى المجلس.. حينها, ذهبت لأصافحها و أقبِّل كفها و رأسها.. بدت تعيسةً جداً.. حتي رأيت الدموع تنهار من مقلتيها.. قطعت أجزاء قلبي إلى قطع.. لم أستطع رؤيتها على هذه الحال.. و بعد ذلك.. سألناها عن حالها.. و كلما مرّت خمسة دقائق.. سألتنا مجدداً من نحن؟ حتى قالت لها أمي "أنا ابنة أختك.. و هؤلاء أبنائي".. مسكينة هي.. كانت في عمر تصاب بالخرف.. و بعد الكلام معها مطوّلاً.. قالت لنا كيف هي تعيسة.. و كانت ترجو أن يأتي ملك الموت و يأخذ روحها.. كانت تريد أن تأتيها المنية.. كم كان ما سمعته مؤلماً.. لكنني أعرف أن السعادة لا تدوم.. فالشيخوخة تأتي و تهدم الإنسان.. حتي يأتي الموت و يذهب الإنسان إلى ربه ليحاسب على أعماله..
اليوم.. اليوم يوم الجمعة.. و قد راحت نفسها و روحها الطاهرة إلى رب العالمين.. ترجو الغفران و الرحمة.. و كما نعلم, أنه من توفّي في يوم الجمعة, يحفظه الله من فتنة القبر.. كم هي نعمة هي خالة أمي فيها.. الحمد لله على هذه النعمة العظيمة.. إنني حزينة لفراقها.. و لكنني أيضاً سعيدة.. لأنها فارقت الحياة المتعبة.. حياة الدنيا المرّة.. أرجو من مجيب الدعاء أن يغمرها برحمته التي وسعت كل شيء.. و أن يتوب عليها فهو التواب الرحيم.. اللهم اغفر لها, و اعف عنها, و ثبتها عند السؤال.. اللهم اجزها جناتك العلا, جنة الفردوس يا رب العالمين.. اللهم اغمرها بالراحة في حياتها البرزخية.. اللهم أدخلها الجنة من غير سؤال, يا من له الجباه تسجد, و النفوس تستسلم, و السماء تمطر, و القمر يضيء..يا إلهي, يا من لم ترد من سألك, يا ربي استجب لي دعائي يا ارحم الراحمين..
نعم, لازلت أذكرها و لن أنساها.. فهي ذكرى خالدة في تاريخ من أحبها.. يا رب, لا أحد يعلم ما فعلت من خيرٍ في هذه الدنيا غيرك, فأرجو منك رحمة واسعة تمحو كل ذنوبها و لا تبقي منه أثراً...أجل,, رأيت جدتي تبكي لفراق أختها, كم كان موقفاً مؤلماً للجميع.. هكذا الدنيا, قاسية, لا تمنحنا ما نريد.. لم نعيش من أجلها؟ فهي لا تستحق منّا شيئاً غير أن نستغلها لكي ندخل جنات النعيم, و نحشر مع من نحب.. يا رب, وحدك تعلم ما بمكنون صدري, فاستجب لي دعائي, و امنحني علماً عظيماً لأفيد به الأجيال القادمة.. يا رب لا تحرمني من رؤينك يوم القيامة, يا رب أنا أسألك فلا ترد سؤالي.. يا مجيب الدعاء.. اللهم آمين..و صلّ اللهم على سيدنا محمد و على آله و صحبه و سلّم أجمعين..

Thank you injustice world..
Thank you for taking away my smile every five minutes..
Thank you for treating me unfairly..
Do you really have to be that unjust?
Or do you enjoy torturing me?
Thank you for not helping me release my anger and fury..
Thank you for giving me the "talk to the hand" reaction..
What did I do to you that you dislike me that much?
I'm not the selfish person in this battle!!
I'm just asking for my rights in this world..
Again I say, Thank You..


αѓоцлď мε
Moments are spent so immensly readily
If only I can change the unspeakable past
Whenever I sing pleasantly and delightfully
The sun spins its sprinkled dazzling cast
Eyes blinking with calmness serenity
Faces smile hopefully till the very last
I've wondered if I could constantly
Explode apart in a massive blast
Can't you see the horrible majority?
They're all unfair invaders from the past
It's my wish which I want to willingly
Riding a ship which is extremely vast
Peeking on a world looking pretty pointlessly
I knew I will face an awful future so fast
A future that would've sunken me deeply
In its shallow endless well from recast
Sitting on my own, feeling hungrily
Makes me want to dig in a tasty repast

^ even if friends were different, they stand for each other..
![]()

Sitting beside my grandma.. and listeing to old stories and rhymings.. it sounds nice.. and it IS nice.. 
i had 2 wishes.. i want them to come true.. the first one became true today.. but the other one inshalla in the way
.. I have this feeling u c.. i'm tired of listening to ppl.. i wanna talk.. i want ppl listening to me!! i gotta be selfish sometimes!! i'm a human right?! 
its really tiring to carry all ppl's problem.. i have enough problems.. and be sure i dun need to carry more!! i hated when ppl just sit and talk about the past.. GOD! its just the past, and its gone.. MOVE FORWARD!! 
i'm tired of being strong the way ppl like!! i want to be the real me at this moment.. i tired one.. a weak one.. a heartbroken one..
..
some ppl just dun really care.. 

^ taken before yesterday..
Regards,![]()

What if...
What if the sun was light green?
And the sea wasn't bright and clean?
What if my heart was transparent?
And my only savior would be a parent?


Dear Teddy Bear,
Thank you for letting me hug u when i needed to..
Sorry for drowning you in my endless tears for hours..
Thank you for listening to me and letting me empty that bottle of sorrow in my heart..
you are a wonderful thing..
i know u've made a wonderful job just listening and listening to me..
but actually i need a real thing to hear me.. coz u're just a non realistic thing..
even an imaginary friend won't help.. and actually, i dunno w00t will help..
That bottle of sorrow in my heart is not yet emptied.. u just emptied half the bottle..
and someone must empty it till the end.. or else i'll be a lost person in this world.. i wont have my dreams come true..
i would be unhappy.. and very unhappy..
sometimes dear teddy bear.. looking at u would help.. and sometimes speaking to u would help.. but in many times expressing my feelings are hard to say.. in that point, u lend me no hand to help..
u c dear teddy bear.. i think i have this emptiness of emotions inside me..
even my diary which i write everything in it won't help..
i'm not betraying u my teddy bear.. and i won't abandon u no matter w00t..
i know u have ur own sorrows.. but u dont have the soul or the life to speak.. i carry a lot of pittiness in my heart towards u..
i might've been so selfish by leaving u for days inside my closet..
and i might've been so selfish for letting u out of it when i needed u the most..
friends come and go.. but my heart stays where it is..
i'm tired of being strong.. i want to be weak.. all humans are weak.. but they show otherwise.. towards this huuuuuuuge universe.. i'm nuthing..
why does my heart carries allll those annoying feelings.. why should it suffer the most.. poor thing beating tiredly..
i luv u dear teddy.. u've been supportive as much as u can.. and i appreciate it..
Regards,
Your precious owner,
MiracleGirl
desperate
كلما حملت كتاباً, أحسست بأني أحمل سعادةً بين يدي.
كلما اشتريت كتباً, أحسست بأن صبري ينفد, لأني أريد الوصول إلى المنزل لأبدأ بالقراءة.
في البداية أجلس على سريري, و أضع المخدة خلف ظهري لأحس بالراحة أثناء المطالعة. بعد ذلك أضع غطاء السرير فوقي و أخرج رأسي و يداي, ثم أمسك كتاباً.
أتمعن إلى غلاف الكتاب, و أقرأ كل زاوية منه, ثم أفتح الصفحة الأولى, و أبدأ بالقراءة, و لا أترك المقدمة لأنها مليئة دوماً بالمعلومات.
أحياناً, أحس بأن عيناي لا تستطيعان التوقف, بل تستمران بالقراءة.
بذلك أتلذذ بالقراءة.
هذا لأنني أحب أن أتعرف على عقول غيري من الناس, و أحب أن أخزن كل شيء في رأسي, سواء كانت معلومة ضرورية أم لا... و حينما أقول "كل شيء", فإني أعني هذه الكلمتين...
أحب أن أتعلم أساليب الكتابة, و الفن من جميع أنواعه, كالنثر, و الشعر, و القصة, و المقالة, و إلخ...
فإن كنت حزينة, أرمي بنفسي إلى حجرتي, حيث تؤنسني الكتب التي أكتفي بها لتنسيني حزني و بؤسي و تعاستي.
أحب أن أشعر بما يشعره الناس أثناء قراءة القصص, فطريقة تفكير البشر أمرٌ يهمني.
مُدَّ لي أيّ كتاب... أنا لا أبالي... المهم أنها كلمات أستطيع قراءتها.
ليتني أستطيع أن أعبر أكثر عما غرق في مكنون صدري.
لقد خانني قلمي, فإني لم أقل سوى القليل.
أحب قراءة القصص العربية, العامية,الأجنبية, أو حتي اليابانية المترجمة..
وأكثر ما يجذبني قراءة القصص الحقيقية, مأسةً كانت أم مغامرة, رعباً كان أم رومنسياً, حلواً كان أم مرّاً. فقط أريد تخزين كل شيء في عقلي الصغير.
عندما أقرأ و لو سطراً, فإن شعور السعادة يلفني من كل ناحية, و أبدأ بالتفكير و أقول: "أنتِ لم تقرأي سوى القليل, ما بالك, أسرعي بالقراءة!"
أخبرتني معلمة اللغة الإنجليزية في نهايتة هذا العام الدراسي, أن أسلوبي في التعبير تطور بشكل هائل! جعلتني أحس براحة نفسية.
سَألَتني إن كنت من عشاق المطالعة. و بالطبع أجبنها بنعم.. صحيح.
لا أدري ما الذي حلَّ بعقلي؟!
أنا أكره مادة النحو و البلاغة, و لكنني ذات يوم وجدت نفسي غارقة أقرأ كتباً تخص أبي في علوم النحو و البلاغة. هل أصبت بالجنون؟
رأيت نفسي أيضاً أقرأ عن أعظم رجال الأرض, و عن عجائب الدنيا, و قدرات الله في الكون, و عن العلوم و الأحياء و الفلسفة...
مع ذلك, أحس بأني فقط قرأت القليل.
إن سألني جني الفانوس عن أمنية دنيوية, فسأتمنى لو أني أمتلك مكتبة تحوي كتب العالم أجمع.
أريد أن أوجه الناس إلى القراءة, فالصحيفة اليومية وحدها لا تكفي!
ربما تخالوني مجنونة, لأني سبق و خلت نفسي مجنونة. و لكن هذه هي الحقيقة, أنا أحب.. كلا, كلا.. أنا أعشق الكتب, و لو كانت تحوي كلاماً فارغاً, فبالنسبة لي هو كنز.
يا إلهي!!! لا أدري ما الذي جرى لي؟! هل يحدث هذا لأني أهرب من العالم الحقيقي و أسعى إلى عوالم الكتب؟
أم لعلي أهديت هدية حب القراءة من الله عز و جل.
نهايةً, أنا و قلمي حائرين.. إن نفدت الكتب من حولي, فلا يسعني غير تحريك يدي و كتابة بعض من خواطري المكبوتة في داخلي.
قلمي, قلمي ذاك الذي اعتبرته صديقاً, بل أعز خلاني.
إني لا أرجو أن أصحو من هذه الهلوسة, أريد أن أبقى كما أنا فتاة الكتب...
ربما بنيت شخصيتي عن طريق الكتب.. من يدري يا ترى؟
بقلم,
بـــــنت مــــــعجزة
MiracleGirl

Hello again..
I've seen many movies lately.. like:
Ice Age 2 - Chicken Little - Flight Plan - Corpse Bride - Zathura, and more..
However.. last term exams will start after 2 weeks.. oooooow, i goota study HARD! >.<

i went to PetLand, and bought a cute female beige hamster.. i called her "Miracle"
!!!
i've gathered a lot with father lately! AMAAAAAAZING! 
Neways.. i WILL post my hamster's pictures in some other times..
SweeT Days All 

Good Morning 
Yesterday i've gone to 2 places.. 1st is skool (DUH), 2nd is to AlGhurair Center with DaDy! 
However.. i bought a cute pinkiii Teddy Bear
.. and i bought a Nail Polish from Red Earth - luv it 
Neway.. on thursday.. i went to Deira City Center with my Aunti and lil siblings.. =D
in addition i bought french manicure polish
.. dun u just luuuuuuv RED EARTH?
okai.. i'm going to skool after 5 minutes.. So take Care All! =D
here's a gift for the ppl who braught happiness to my lil heart:


i wrote this poem days ago..
anyways.. lately.. i think everything is luvly
.. i'm so grateful..

Hello members of bravejournal..
i know i havent posted an entry since 2 weeks.. no no.. i think a month..
but i was SO busy with everything.. but i will post w00t i can remember happened in the time i didnt post an entry..
1st - There was a feria at my luvly skool =)

2nd- i had a trip to Emirates Mall.. And Zaabeel Park to c our Art Fair.. 
3rd- i've seen those movies:
Harry Potter and the goblet of fire..
Syriana
Nanny McPhee
Pride And Prejudice 
3rd- I've hanged out a lot with my father like to:
Al Ghurair Center + In Al Barsha + Middle East Pool Fair (in Markaz dubai al tijaary) + everywhere 
4th - hanging out with family like:
Al Safa Park + Town Center + Wafi Center ... and other places 
And a lot more happened which i couldnt remember
.. i had precious times.. 

Since 8 days, my grandpa was in the hospital.. i've visited him once, and he looked terrible.. deep inside my heart, i had a feeling that this would be the last year for him..
anyways.. today at skool.. at the 6th period.. a call from the administrator had arrived to me saying that mom is here and i should go back home.. i was doing my physics mini-test.. and i couldnt think of anybody but my grandpa.. i still had a feeling that something had happened to him.. something very terrible.. something i wish it wouldnt happen ever.. neways.. when i reached the car.. first thing i said was:
mom,, w00t happened to my grandpa..
she directly said:
ur grandpa has past away..
at the begining.. i knew it was true.. but i was trying to organize everything mom said in my mind.. i was trying to absorb w00t mom was saying.. i felt that there was a part of my heart that has died.. i didnt do nuthin.. becoz i didnt know w00t to feel.. i was silent for minutes.. . then my lil bro told me: wont u cry? i said: i dunno if i will.. he said: i am crying actually..
but deep inside my heart i was crying like a baby...
i smiled then said: so his soul is now in the sky?
then i cried.. and cried.. and cried..
i couldnt resist crying.. i felt.. "OH NO"! i've lost a precious person.. now i only have one grandparent.. which is my grandma (may Allah y6awil b3imirha)..
then.. i went home..and ate lunch which was like pioson in my throat.. and then i got ready, and went to the funeral in my grandpa's house.. ladies were crying.. while my dad went to the graveyard.. but before that.. he went with many gentlemen to a place called "mkaan el '3aseel".. where they washed my grandpa and put him in white clothes called "kifaan".. however.. when it was time for the sun to go away.. i gave a call to my dady.. i asked him if they put him in his grave.. they said its all done.. and a LOT and a LOT and a LOT of ppl were there for grandpa's funeral..
it is said in our religion (Islam), that if many ppl attended the funeral of a person, then this means that this person is a GOOD person and is fine in his grave.. so, i'm so happy that a lot of ppl attended this funeral.. 
May Allah ywasi3 3ala yaddy gabrah.. w yi'3silah bil maay w el thalj w el baraad.. 
However.. the funeral in grandpa's house will be up to 3 days.. so i should be there all three days..
I REALLY MISS MY DEAR GRANDPA "ABDULLA"...
...
he has reached up to 94 years old.. and then his life in this world has ended.. but his life in the grave just started.. and i wish i'd see him in heaven.. specificly in paradise.. 